Just me "Shooting Off"

Yesterday, Dave and I took a concealed weapon's class at the gun club. Dave had been looking so forward to this day. He couldn't wait to shoot a pistol. I couldn't wait till it was going to be over. It was conducted in a small tin shack out in the middle of who-knows-where. There were 16 men, mostly Harley-Davidson lifers who owned an arsenal of guns and ammo and 3 women. We spent the first 4 hours listening to the 2 instructors rattle off the whole gun safety book by heart in the style of Saturday Night Live. They had it down to a fine art. Then they took us out to the rifle range. The women went first and I was by the Harley-Davidson/pool hall/red-neck/instuctor. Being A.D.D., I couldn't remember the safety from the release which was totally absurd in his eyes since he had showed me ONCE. His patience was about as long as a piece of hair turned sideways. He finally turned me over to a young volunteer (so that I wouldn't slow down his class) who was very patient and kind, but the damage was already done. I had started crying and couldn't stop. I somehow managed to shoot off the rest of my rounds and actually hit the huge green mountain in front of me. (They had taken away my target). I went back to the bleachers where Dave was and was so relieved when Dave said that was it and I wouldn't have to do that again. Well.....when they called the last group up there was room for one more so they made me come back up and shoot again. I would have rather been the target! I went up there only because I had no voice to say no because I still couldn't stop crying. So here we go again. This time I was at the other end by the other instructor. He was so kind and I hit the bullseye and the rest of the targets (there were 5). He gave me twice the bullets everyone else was given. I got home and still cried for 2 more hours. I couldn't understand why I couldn't get over this and I still can't. I know that I "stuff" everything until some insignificant thing busts a hole in my dam and the water comes spewing forth. Well, it is better when you are not in public when this happens but, since it was I hope God can use it. Maybe, just to soften that instructor's heart so he can be saved. I don't know, but I'll have to trust God on this one. Although, secretly, I hope I never have to see any of these people again.
The Psalms I read today says, "From my earliest youth my enemies have persecuted me, but they have never defeated me. But the Lord is good; he has set me free from the ungodly."